Lately I have been asking myself important questions
questions that will determine the rest of my life
One that keeps poping up in my head is how can I be sure that my decisions are correct, are they what my emotions and my mind dictate?
I listen to people who appear so sure for their decisions
I listen to people who seem to know exactly what their heart commands!
I see many people that have been married for as many years as my parents have been alive
I know people that claimed to have found their sould mate, only to discover that they are wrong!
The question remains: how can we be sure about
our path in our professional life?
the place we want to live?
the person we want to spend the rest of ourlives with?
How can we be sure about all these?
How can you question and search for an answer without hurting the person who is next to you?
How can you communicate that you are uneasy with the uncertainty without creating more uncertainty and more doubt?
I have been pondering on these questions for a while now
I know that other people have been asking themselves the same important questions
Ever since my mother died I have been questioning everything
It is almost as if the fear of getting hurt, the fear of one more loss, the fear of one more failure has made me want to simply be distant from everything and everyone
you know, simply hide away
Yet, there are people who not only stuck around, but came closer, opened up more and pursued a more intimate relationship with me
The person who from the very first day we met seemed to have a lot of faith in my potentials and capabilities
The fears are still there though, will they ever go away?
The questions are still there, will they ever be answered?
Every day I come closer to an answer to all these questions
There seems to be a single answer to all the questions
I don't think that you can ever be sure about any decision you make
I don't think that you can ever protect yourself from life or from love
Whoever said that love is like a bed of roses failed to note that roses sometimes have thorns and hurt you
Roses are beautiful flowers, but they do have thorns
Does that make them less beautiful, or even does the knowedge that they do have thorns keep us away from them?
I don't think so
I actually think that those thorns present the challenge of either working around them, or healing from their piercing your skin
Do you keep going back? Of course you do!
Because roses are beautiful!
And love is beautiful too.
So, what is love?
Love is ....whatever you want it to be!
As far as answering all those questions, well, it could be a waste of time
May be I ought to live little, take my chances and see where it gets me
One thing is for sure
I sure am lucky!
In my pain I have seen that people love me and want to be there for me
In my loss I have seen that being healthy is important not only for yourself but for those who love you
In my doubts, I still find the desire to put my thoughts in writing so I can sort them out
In my fears, I haven't made any decision that I know I will regret later
I only kind of lost the positive outlook that now I am so desperately trying to find!
And the hard part is, nobody can give it to me
Only I can get it for myself!