painfully obvious

it's painfully obvious that dad doesn't know how to handle us
it's painfully obvious that mom is not here
it's painfully obvious that you are not here with me, holding my hand as you always do
it's painfully obvious that things are not the same
it's painfully obvious that I 'm the woman of the house and I don't like it!
it's painfully obvious that I am left to deal with the changes in life as a grown up!
I don't know whether realizing all these is good or bad
I only know that I am lucky enough to have a partner who's always going to help me through thick and thin!
That's just joyfully obvious!

fear and joy

I 'm going to Cyprus in a week
First time I will be there since March
First time I will walk in the house I grew up without her waiting for me
When I went there back in March, I was so confused I didn't really know what to expect
Now I know for a fact that she will not be waiting for me
She has been visiting my dreams every single night for the past week and a half
I see her every night and I wake up with a sense of loss
everytime she is either sick or dying and I am trying to make it there on time
but I am always late
I thought I had accepted this horrible misfortune
I thought I was over it
I thought wrong
you know, sometimes when I call home, I still expect to pick up the phone
and today, today she would have been the first to call me to wish me happy name day
instead, the phone is silent
no ringing yet
I know everybody will call
I know she is wishing all the best from where she is
I am so afraid to go home
I am afraid that I will not be strong; that I will break down
I am so afraid that I will not know what to do with myself in the house
I still think that she will be there waiting for me
I miss her terribly and I don't even know how to express it
I sometimes think that all this was just a terrible nightmare that I am going to wake up from very soon
I miss you mom so much it hurts!
I know that if you were here with me you would be very frustrated that I keep saying the same thing over and over again
you would say, I know you miss me! enough! we will not be repeating ourselves over and over again! it loses its meaning if you keep doing that!
I know that's what you would say, and you are right!
for it is with our hearts we love, not with our words
it is with our actions, our brave action we enact love, not with fear

same-sex marriage

Yesterday, the Court of Appeals (New York's highest court) said that it is not unconstitutional to ban same-sex marriage. The basic premise of the decision was that marriage had been clearly defined 100 years ago as between a man and a woman (as the words "bride" and "groom" clearly imply), something that reflects societal values.
The other side of this issue, as it was written by the one of judges that disagreed, is that marriage has been re-thought in the twentieth century to reflect equal rights of men and women choosing to marry (For more information check out the New York Times).
The discrimination seems too obvious to me. As a society we choose not judge marriages between a man and a woman, even when that marriage is based on financial interest or abuse of any sort. In fact, we endorse this type of marriages because they do not challenge us and do not provoke fear that "we" may be gay or be the target of gay flirting. We allow children to live in abusive families so long as the parents are not of the same sex.
It seems rather hypocritical of our society, once again, to start wars in the name of freedom while restricting the freedom of expression, civil liberties, and right to choose of a even a small percentage of its people. How sad!