something missing

something missing from my life
what that might be I don't know
motivation
courage
what might be there....
fear of completion
fear of failure
uneasyness about the absence of the safety net
uncertainty of the unknown

The racism of the bridal gown

Those who are a "plus size," as the fashion industry calls women who are outside of the "regular" sizes, have surely experienced uncomfortable feelings when trying on wedding gowns....
When you are looking for everyday attire there isn' t mush problem
There plenty of styles to go around these days. Things are much better than 5 or 10 years ago.
But, you know what has not changed?
The wedding industry!
Unless you are a size 4 0r 6 you cannot get a decent dress! Because wedding gowns run 2 to 3 sizes small. Say you are a 14, you need an 18 or a 20 size wedding gown! That is such a blow on self esteem!
I am one of the people who refuse to get sucked into the "thin ideal"
As long as I am healthy, eating right and working out, I am not going to go on a diet to be a size 8!
I am size 14! I would like it if I were a size 12 or 10, but I am not going to deprive myself of any culinary pleasures.
What is outrageously obvious is that the gown industry wants to make even more money via alterations and charging extra for a size bigger than 16! They simply want more money than the 2,000 or 3,000 dollars they charge for a good dress! Can you imagine? How racist!

everyday routines

I wake up in the moring, usually around 7am,
hop in the shower,
get dressed,
go downstairs in the kitchen to make coffee while continuing to listen to the NPR news which accompanies me in the shower as well.
He wakes up about half an hour after I do and follows the same ritual
His coffee is ready, with milk and sugar already in his mug
We both have cereal together and leave the house about the same time
And that's when our days start to differ
I go to my office and three times a week teach pretty much right away
After that, I am supposed to be either working on my project or read for my comps in January
Instead, I find myself completely addicted to searching on line for plane tickets, for wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses, hotel reservations, wedding invitations, etc
I am completely unable to focus on my work if I am in front of a computer with Internet access.
Talk about self-discipline
I used to be able to wake up ealry enough to do my work and then play
now it's merely playing
I think that since I lost my mom I have realized that stressing about work is not worth it
But, I have reached the other side
I am fast becoming "lazy"
everyday routines?
I wish!