trust you earned it

The hardest thing I have ever done is trust another person one hundred percent.
I am not even sure that I have done it yet.
But there is only one person who has gain my trust more than anyone ever has.
There is only one person who deserves this trust
There is only one person who is going to get it
I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone!
Don't forget that ever!

not so long ago I met a cousin who said "we have to be in pain to write, to create"
how much truth does this carry...I have neglected my writing
I am busy living a happy life
strange
I had surgery two days ago
but I am happy
as I was going under, the anesthesia was very strong I felt mom's presence
so prevalent, so affectionate
I was not alone
she was there to hold my hand through the operation
maybe that's why I didn't want to wake up
the nurse had to call my name many many times
I am never without her
I am never without love
I am never without care
even if this ordeal turns out to be more serious than I thought
I am never alone

Happy father's day Dad!

you don't know about the existence of this site
but I will still send you these wishes because you deserve it now more than ever!
Happy Father's Day!
I don't know how I got so lucky, but I will take it and be grateful
I love you dad, I am proud you!

Καποιος ειπε πως η ζωη ειναι δυσκολη γι'αυτο ειν' ωραια...
Κουραστηκα με ολες τις δυσκολιες της
τι ν'απογινε αραγε εκεινη η ευκολια που βασιλευε στη ζωη μου δεν παει καιρος
Ολο παραπονα εισαι! Φτανει πια!
"Εφυγες νωρις, ουτε που προλαβα ν'αρχισω
εφυγες νωρις μα ειχα κι αλλα να σου πω" τραγουδα η Ελευθερια...
μια ζωη ολο αναχωρησεις....
ολο αντιο και να μην αργησεις
ολο παρτυ μηπως ξεχασουμε να διασκεδασουμε ολα αυτα που μας πονουν
ολο τι ωρα θα γυρισεις και ποτε θά 'ρθεις;
κι εγω καποτε να φευγω και καποτε να κουνω το 'να χερι και με τ'αλλο να σκουπιζω το δακρυ που κυλαει ποταμι
κι αλλες φορες να εκνευριζομαι γιατι εχω αναγκη τα αντιο μου...
"σκοταδι γινομαι και παραδινομαι στο ρυθμο" της θλιψης
αυτης της θλιψης απο εγωισμο γιατι υπαρχουν κι αλλες οψεις ζωης εξισου σημαντικες με μενα!
τετοιος εγωκεντρισμος....
λυπαμαι....
αχ μακαρι να μπορουσες να διαβασεις τη ψυχη μου...
τουτα τα λογια που σε σενα στελνω
ελα, ελα ψυχη μου, εχουμε παρτυ εδω!

I still miss you, mom

Yesterday was the three month anniversary of my mom's departure.
It's been three months and my mind cannot fully grasp the idea that she is forever gone....
I cannot believe that I will never be able to give her a hug and kiss her
Hear her voice and see her smile, tease her...
I talk to her often
I still do, I don't think I will ever stop.
Maybe I don't articulate the words but there is an ongoing conversation in the back of my mind
always...
I cannot hear her voice but I know what she is saying
I know all her answers to my questions, but my insecurities cast doubts on those answers.
I am looking forward to going to back to where I am from
I am glad that my entire family is going to be there
I am happy for that.
In the back of my mind I expect to go and find mom there
Waiting for my to have coffee in the morning, decide what we are going to cook, and watch the morning shows.
I expect to have another coffee with her at around 11am when my aunt comes downstairs to visit and talk about the family
I expect everything to be the same as it was last summer
But it's not.
She is not going to be there and I will have to go through all these rituals either by myself or with someone else
When I go back now I will have to go the cemetary to visit her
She will simply not be there
I don't think I realize that just yet!
I cannot believe that my father is holding up the way he is
Being in the house in which they spent all of their life together seems like the hardest thing to do
I think I don't have any right to complain about my loss; it doesn't compare to his
I love my parents very much
I don't think that I love one of them more than the other
I am one of those lucky people who have had a relationship with both
Mom and I are very close, woman to woman, friend to friend
Dad and I are also close; I like sports, he likes sports, I like politics , he likes politics, I enjoy and respect his opinion even though some times I don't agree with him
I am extremely lucky to say that I have a relationship with both of them
I am lucky that now at least one of them is alive and with me
I am grateful that they met and liked the man I love
I am grateful that they are proud and supportive of me
I am grateful that they know a little more about me than the rest of the family
I am lucky
but I still miss my mother!