How does one deal with pain?

In one of the cheesy TV shows I like to watch I heard one of the participants say "find your pain and deal with it"
It made me wonder, how do you deal with your pain?
Having "the hard conversations?"
I was never afraid, never in my entire life to have the hard conversations.
I actually think that I like the hard conversations
I like them so much that I practice them often
often enough not to consider them hard
"don't pretend that everything is ok"
Well, I don't
sometimes things are ok, some other times things are not
My question is how do you deal with a loss
how do you come to accept that you will never see your mother again?
and the hardest part is that sometimes I accept that
But some others I don't
I have flashbacks from the moments I had with her,
from her funeral,
in her coffin laying there in peace, having one of the most relaxed expressions she ever had
then, I think about going back home and I think that I am going to be spending my mornings with her as I did for the last four years....but then, I remember that she is no longer there!
I look at stores on line and I think about the gifts I have to get for family and I think what to get her, but then, I remind myself that she is no longer there!
Sometimes thinking about that is fine!
Some others it just drives me crazy!
Why is it that now as I think about my future I am not allowed to have my mom in it?
Why is it that as I think about moving on with my life I will not have her there to support me?
And why is it that there people my mom's age who still have their parents around?
I get bitter when I think this way and I really shouldn't!
I cannot help it sometimes.
My question remains, how does one deal with pain?
even the therapist cannot answer that!
then, I find myself laying on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a spoon in my hands watching cheesy shows that make me cry so that I kind of deal with my pain....