every night you visit me

Every night you visit me in my dreams. I like seeing you, I wake up and think you are still with me. The dreams are very vivid, they are almost real. I see you and touch you and wonder when I will hear your voice again. That's the only part of you I don't have. The silence is deafening in my dreams. I would really like to hear your voice again. Maybe you come to visit because you know I need you now. Maybe it's because you know that I need to have you close to me to give the courage and strength to keep fighting, endure, finish what I have started and not be put down. Accomplish my dreams which seen unrecognizable lately, not settle.

I think I 'm going through another wave of mourning. I really miss you mom. I really want you to be here and hold me and talk to me like we used to. As I write this I cry. I haven't done that in a while. Tears tend to be liberating, but today they feel burdening. I feel like I did a couple of years ago when I could not believe that you left us, that you were taken away from us. It is unbearable to think that the only way I can feel you and touch you is in my dreams. I don't think I will ever stop feeling this way.

I love you and I miss you like crazy!