These days have been a bit blue. All of a sudden, the 16 hours of the day I spend awake are not enough to do all the things I need to get d0ne. I go to work for about 9-10 hours per day. I then go home and I all I want to do is stare at the television....Where has my energy gone? My house has never been in the shape that it is now. My cooking has never been so dull. It seems that I don't have the courage or the time to do the things I like. I have productive and unproductive days at work...and somehow, I still have a job!
Lately I have been thinking that I lost a part of myself...Thinking back to my college years, I seem to remember two things: how much I liked politics, and how much I liked to write. And then, there was the going out and drinking coffee, none of which I do much these days.
What else was there? I still like to help people. I still smile (somewhat). I still believe in some things like God.
I still love. I now have a husband. A husband who does not speak my native tongue, who does not have very close family ties, who does not like to go out much, and who does not like the music I do. He loves politics. He is as smart as a person can be! He is as oblivious as a deer in headlights! He loves me a lot. Sometimes I wonder if he knows me? How can you know someone when you don't speak her language? How can you know someone when you don't ask many questions? I seem to have lost my greekness which goes hand-'n-hand with being a positive, joyful person. I seem to have lost an undefined part of me. You see, a few years ago I would be looking for love. I would be writing for love. I have love, but there seems to be another hole!
I love my husband! I do. A lot. My life would be incredibly boring and dark without him. I would probably be back to Cyprus if I hadn't met him. That is probably the only positive thing that would have come out of me not meeting, loving, and marrying him. The only one!
But, I do have to find a way to gain some of me back...the question is how do I define myself?
Who am I and what do I stand for? Those are questions I haven't answered in a while....
I love the fall, but it makes me blue....
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1 comment:
Aderfoula mou,
kamia mera pote den einai idia opos les kai o theos me to magiko tropo tou tis allazei gia na min variomaste... polles fores omos emeis den prolavainoume mesa apo tin kathimerinotita na doume auta pou palia mporousame kai vlepame kai mas edeina kai apistefti xara... Kalo einai kata kairous na prosdiorisoume tous stoxous mas ta oneira mas kai na proxorame mrosta...
Ego pistevo poli kai tha to leo panta oso zoo stin dinami ton sinaisthimaton... Den xreiazetai na milas tin idia glossa, oute na akous tin idia mousiki...gia na mporesei na se katalavei o allos... arkei na koitakseis ton allo sta matia kai na giriseis ton xrono ligo piso kai na thimitheis auta pou ksexnas mesa stin routina tis kathimerinotitas.. oxi mono esi alla oloi mas... Proti fora sta 34 mou niotho etsi, katalavaino tin dinami, tin entasi ton sinaisthimaton..kai fisika sto mualo mou erxetai i Maroula mas.. Pou molis parastatousame ligo mas mesa apo tis sizitisis mas epanaprosdiorizame polla...Na anatrexeis sto parelthon me xamogelo kai na proxoras mposta.. Love you...
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