once upon a lonely time

In the last two years I have been afraid...afraid to let go, afraid to be alone...afraid of the silence, but also of unknown sounds. Ever since you left us, I have been afraid!
Once upon a long time ago, I was told that bad things will happen to me if I let them...and now there are only good things in my life...yet, I can only feel your absence. especially this month....I hate the month of March!
Two years later it still feels like it was yesterday and all I can remember in these times of loneliness is your words "only family matters, they are the only ones who will always love you and be there for you..." where are you now? where are you? why are you not here with me? why? and why, as time goes by, I feel your absence even more?
I have a husband who loves me (a lot). I have a father who is as healthy as he can be at age 68 and who does everything he can to support me in every imaginable way. I have a brother who has become my best friend and another brother who loves me in his own way. I have friends who will be there in case of emergency...I have a dog who no matter what time I come home he is always ecstatic to see me. I have two degrees and I am going for a third, even though I am searching for the motivation to finish. I see myself in the mirror and I see someone who is worth fighting for and respect....and I see a woman who is trying to be strong and happy.
yet, these days there is a sadness...a feeling of loneliness ...
mom, help me get through this month.
please....I embrace me sadness and recognize that it will go away....once my husband comes home, once I have his companionship again. I recognize that this my needyness will go away...I am not good at reaching out for help, but now I am...I am reaching out to people for some interaction, even though I came out with nothing....
Ok, my rant is done!